


The Colors of the Winds of Change

by starlocked



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Gen, Platonic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Platonic Prinxiety - Freeform, Post-Episode: ACCEPTING ANXIETY Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?, Roman is trying his best, janus sanders mentioned, like right after AA part 2, remus sanders mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:53:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24907153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlocked/pseuds/starlocked
Summary: Virgil tries to clear up some anxious feelings by reaching out to one of the sides that had just accepted him. But was he truly accepted after everything he put the others through? Will he be doomed to wear only black forever? Probably not if Roman has any say in things.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	The Colors of the Winds of Change

It had certainly been an  _ eventful  _ week. Which of course was a woefully inadequate description of the utter rollercoaster of self-worth and identity crisis issues Virgil had suffered through. They were all his fault for sure but it still hurt reliving each moment.

The hatred from the core sides piling so heavily on his shoulders over the years they had known about him.

Deciding to duck out of Thomas' decision making process.

The panic seeing Thomas and the others in his room.

The sinking feeling as they all were corrupted by his very nature.

~~ His name oh god why'd he tell them his name? ~~

It had all been far too much. Virgil had sequestered himself in his room, even as the others insisted on coming back  ~~ what are they stupid? they just got out ~~ to bother him. Patton at least was trying to be nice but unsurprisingly Teach and the Prince just wanted stuff from him. 

Thomas himself though.. Virgil hadn't expected Thomas' kindness after he had seen the horrors of the darkest most fearful part of his mind. Thomas had even smiled at him. At ~~Anxiety~~ Virgil.

Virgil sat on the stairs, trying to focus on the music as he sorted through his tumultuous thoughts. Bit by bit, and through a lot of effort to remember what Logan had taught him about cognitive distortions, Virgil started to think about the high points of the week.

Logan said he was necessary.

Patton had in his own confused way tried to bring him into the fold of the core sides (he maybe even would have laughed with Roman at the "Virgin" comment if he hadn't been so scared and anxious and vulnerable at that moment).

Princey had admitted they worked as a team.

Thomas had  _ smiled _ .

And they all seemed to.. like him a bit more. The scorn and hatred that had weighed him down for years felt so much lighter after everything that had happened with their ill-advised journey into his space.

Virgil wanted to protect them. From outside threats. And from the worst parts of himself. But they came looking for him, saw the worst, got corrupted by his influence. Now, they actually seemed to like him. Virgil worked hard to stamp down the creeping thought that the other sides were pretending because Thomas himself had decided to trust Virgil. Whether it was true or not, well, would require more evidence. 

~~ Wow, Logan had really started to rub off on him, huh? ~~

Virgil glanced around at the dark shadows of his near monochromatic room and down at his all-black outfit. “Emo Nightmare” really was an apt description. Each of the core sides had a color, and even Roman's so-called dark sides had found colors to call their own. But Virgil was nothing but drab and that didn't feel quite right anymore. 

Well, he needed more evidence to figure out what the other sides actually thought of him. And maybe it was time for a bit of an experiment. Virgil stood, walking to the bathroom to clean off the excessive black eyeshadow from under his eyes and made a decision he really hoped he wouldn't regret.

Roman almost let the bite of the apple he'd been snacking on fall from his mouth when Virgil entered the kitchen. His eyes immediately darted to the lack of eyeshadow on the anxious side's face but he quickly regained composure, trying to act nonchalantly.

"Oh hello, Anx- I mean Viiiirgilllll," the greeting came out very strained and the prince visibly winced at his own awkwardness. Virgil smirked almost imperceptibly.

"'Sup, Princey?" he drifted to the fridge, keeping an eye on Roman to watch his body language, and rummaged around for a snack.

"Oh, not much. Thomas is taking a 'mental health' day so we're not actively working on anything," Roman visibly relaxed as he took the opportunity to babble on about his own plans for the day, but Virgil noticed the creative side constantly stealing glances at his cleaned face. No real surprises so far but no conclusive evidence either. 

Sourly, he thought about how the snake, Janus, must be so pleased with himself about Thomas' mental health day, almost bitterly realizing it was probably his fault Thomas felt the need to take a break. He scowled to himself, hating even imagining a smile on that serpent's face because of his actions but was drawn back to the present by the sudden silence in the kitchen. 

"A- Virgil, I- did I say something to upset you?" The prince looked nervous like he was deciding between drawing his katana or just sinking out to return to his own room.

Virgil blinked and shook his head to clear his thoughts and sighed as his bangs fell into his eyes. He closed the fridge door and leaned back against the appliance, brushing his hair out of his eyes with one hand. "Nah you're fine, Princey. Actually, if you're not busy, I was wondering if you could help me with something."

"Help you with what, exactly?" Virgil watched closely. More than anything the usually cocky and overconfident side seemed cautious and uncertain. However, he didn't look unwilling to help with the nebulous request Virgil hadn't finished making. Honestly, Virgil was almost glad that Roman hadn't tried to talk his way out immediately or sunk out at the first possible opportunity.

"Well, you all have your signature colors… and clearly all I wear is black," Virgil felt his mouth drying out now that was too late to say ‘nevermind’ and back out. 

"That's not true there's some gray in there," Roman countered with a small smile that Virgil found quite encouraging.

"Come on, you of all sides should know that gray is just less intense black," Virgil smirked, “and here I thought the Prince would know the colors of the wind. So, I was hoping…" he swallowed hard, "you might help me try and find a signature color? Surely you have a whole rainbow of eyeshadow somewhere, right?"

Roman's eyes widened in shock and his mouth slowly cracked into a huge grin as he squealed one horrible phrase that made Virgil shudder, "Extreme Makeover, Emo Edition!"

"Oh my god, Queer Eye was right there and you go for Extreme Makeover?" 

Roman bounced up and down with his palms pressed together, fingers just in front of his dazzling smile, “Oooooohhh this is going to be so fun! Come on!” he grabbed Virgil by the wrist and snapped his fingers, transporting them both to his room.

Virgil somehow in his whole life had never quite felt so out of place. The glittery star decorations were a nice touch but everything in this space was color and vibrancy, so full of hope and pure creative force that Virgil felt himself physically shrink an inch. The sheer optimism of unrestrained dreams tore at the very fabric of his anxiety. Virgil took a few moments to focus on his breathing, following the familiar 4-7-8 pattern, and soon he was able to keep a grip on himself.

Roman barely noticed the struggle as he had made a beeline for a vanity covered with all manner of makeup and accessories. He gathered up about 15 different palettes of eyeshadows and a box of makeup remover wipes, setting up the table as carefully as a craftsman preparing to work on a new project. 

“Get over here, Black-eyed V, we’ve got work to do!” Roman grinned, gesturing grandly towards the chair. Virgil took a deep breath and shuffled over, managing to sit down cross-legged.

“Do your worst, but if you make me look like a clown I will get the dark sides to help me hide your body,” Virgil smirked, trying to hide just how uncomfortably nervous this situation made him feel. 

“I only do my best so they’ll just have to wait for another chance,” Roman picked up a palette, debating between which color to start off with. Virgil was surprised that Roman hadn’t included him with the others; it wasn’t as if he’d been accepted less than a week ago or anything. For all anyone else knew he could be playing all sides. Something warm started growing in his chest where there was usually only darkness and cold. He coughed violently trying to get the alarming and unusual sensation to go away. 

Just as he started coughing Roman was bending down with an applicator full of orange eyeshadow. The creative side very tentatively placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, touch as light as a dormouse and concern in his eyes. Virgil held up a finger as he finished the coughing spell before letting Roman continue. So far, Roman was doing an excellent job of proving he didn’t secretly hate the anxious side for everything he’d put him through. Virgil held very still as Roman dabbed on the bright orange eyeshadow under one eye before swiveling him towards the mirror. 

“Well, what do you think? No one over here has orange yet,” Roman watched expectantly as Virgil stared at himself in the mirror.

He hadn’t really looked at himself when he took the black off earlier, but it was so very jarring to see such a bright color instead. 

“Ehhhhhhh.. Way too bright, Princey,” Virgil started to grab for the remover but Roman smacked his hand away.

“Let me do both eyes before we clean you off. Wiping off the eyeshadow too many times could get irritating for your skin and we do not want that,” Roman swiveled Virgil back around and picked another color, “how about green, that’s darker?”

“Uh yeah and it’s already taken,” Virgil replied simply. Roman looked at him inquisitively, the question clear in his eyes and on the tip of his tongue. “It’s been a while since you’ve seen Rem, huh?”

Roman stood back up, looking down at the green eyeshadow and said quietly, “Remus chose green?” He looked at his own red sash, and Virgil felt a pang of empathy for him. 

“Yeah, I think he knew your favorite was red too,” Virgil tried to smile but it felt more like a grimace.

“Well, green is hardly a creative color,” Roman declared, setting down the colorful palette and grabbing a different one filled with browns. Before Virgil could react he was dabbing the other eye with a creamy mocha brown color. Roman was very focused, lips pouted and eye squinting with concentration. Virgil struggled to hold still, the other’s face was so close to his and he felt a lump form in his throat. No one had gotten this close to him for a very long while. The tension in his body soon caused an involuntary twitch. 

“Ah! Look what you did!” Roman’s offended gasp stung hard but Virgil turned to look in the mirror, a long streak of brown trailing down his cheek towards his ear. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, hunching in on himself, trying to be as small as possible. The thought occurred to him that Roman was primarily an actor, and it probably only took a small mistake to break through the facade of him trying to be nice to the anxious “dark” side. 

“Anxie- no.. Virgil, I didn’t mean that. Are you injured? Did the brush poke you?” Roman’s voice was much softer than Virgil had ever heard it before. He couldn’t stop the tears rolling down his cheeks and streaking the orange and brown as he looked up at the Prince’s grimace. Roman reached and cupped his hand on the other’s chin, very gently pulling him back into an upright sitting position. His thumb rubbed hard against Virgil’s cheek, erasing the streaks of brown. Roman gently turned Virgil back towards the mirror. “How do you like the brown?”

Virgil took a few deep breaths to calm down. The brown looked good, but it looked too close to his usual black from a distance. He smiled but shook his head, not trusting himself to speak yet. Roman nodded his own understanding and picked up a makeup remover wipe, cleaning off the brown and orange as gently as he could manage while still removing the colors. He gave Virgil a towel to wipe his face and mused over the colors again.

“Alright here goes,” Roman started again with a new color. He managed to hold himself back a bit farther and Virgil appreciated the space. Soon Roman gave him permission to check the mirror. When he turned, Virgil saw that Roman had picked a dark almost magenta pink color. It still felt far too cheerful, but at least it was a unique color.

“Not too bad. What else you got?” 

Roman immediately started with the next color, very intent as he felt he was close to a breakthrough. Roman watched Virgil’s expressions closely as he swiveled the chair again so the side could see the deep vibrant amethyst purple. Virgil’s eyes went wide, pupils expanding as if he had just fallen in love. All he said was “nice.”

They talked a bit longer about darker colors. Obviously Logan was already using Indigo. Roman even suggested that a nice maroon would go well with the anxious side’s emo persona. Virgil nixed that idea as being too close to the creative side's bright red. After cleaning off the different colors again, Virgil made a move to get up and leave but Roman tsk’d him right back into the seat. 

“Close your eyes, I’m going to do both of them this time,” Roman commanded and Virgil complied. He felt the soft touch of Roman’s hand on his cheek and lots of very quick strokes of the eyeshadow applicator. After what felt like an eternity Roman spun him around and told him to open his eyes again. When he did, he watched his jaw drop.

Under each eye, Roman had done a full rainbow, but not just a  ~~ straight ~~ rainbow, a plaid style rainbow, with warm and cool colors intersecting each other in a way that was mesmerizing. Virgil was honestly stunned and a bit  _ inspired _ . Roman grinned proudly.

“I knew you’d like it gayer,” he chuckled warmly and rested a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil looked up at the Prince and smiled.

“Thank you Roman, this is really, really well done. It’s kind of a shame I’ll never have the time to do this every day,” Virgil stared at his reflection, admiring the eyeshadow like a work of art.

“But it was fun for today, yes?” Roman moved to start cleaning up the mess of brushes and palettes from the vanity as Virgil stood from the chair, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched but a smile on his face.

“Yeah, this was fun. Maybe I can do your makeup next time,” Roman stopped in his tracks and whipped back around. 

“Oh no, you don’t! My face is a work of art, you don’t let an amateur work on it!” Roman’s laughter died fairly quickly as Virgil stared him down.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. Thanks, Princey. See you in your nightmares,” Virgil turned and left quickly, walking out the door before sinking out to get back to his room. Despite the creative sides’ ego, he had fun and had a few ideas for a new color scheme. He only needed to find a way to not give himself a panic attack trying to show the others. He set to work on the new outfit almost as soon as he could.

Roman huffed and muttered to himself, alone in his room, “It was a _joke_ lighten up, Van Goth.” He thought about the way the anxious side had perked up at the purple eyeshadow and made a plan. Thomas was already planning his next hairstyle, perhaps he just needed a nudge towards the right color. Especially if it would help Virgil find his place in the group.


End file.
